Difficult People

Lately I have been exposed to dealing with some difficult people...you know, people who just seem to make your life harder than it has to be.  How about you?  Do you have times when you are faced with hard-to-get-along with people?  How do we deal with those people?

Well, I guess this question is best answered by considering exactly who these people are.  Dealing with your teenager vs. your boss, for example, would be handled differently.  Even so, there are some common "rules" to managing difficult people.

First of all, keep your cool.  It does us no good if we are emotional, screaming, or anything like that.  You lose credibility if you "lose it."  Even if it means we have to walk away from the situation for a moment (or maybe several moments), then do so.  It is much better to get collected and have a clear head to deal with the problem than it is to risk emotional reacting.

It is also a good idea to have a healthy strategy to handle the situation.  If your teenager won't do his chores, yelling at him is not likely to get the chores done.  A better strategy may be to take things away; or maybe talk about your expectations.  There are many options to develop a good strategy, so be creative, but overall make sure the strategy is one that applies to the situation.

Sometimes it helps to have a list of the points you want to make.  If you are trying to talk to the person about the issue (which, I do encourage at some point!), you need to know what is bothering you, what you want to say about it, as well as a few solutions.  This limits those emotional displays that tend to go nowhere.

Along with this point, talk to the person!  Nothing is going to get resolved if we stuff our feelings and thoughts.  Whether it is hurt feelings, anger, or distaste toward the person and/or situation, using "I statements" and sharing these concerns is a good strategy in order to move past the problem.

Remember, that when dealing with a difficult person, they have their opinions and attitudes as well, so they may not share an interest in using these same ideas.  However, even if they don't, we are still responsible for our own actions and thoughts, so do the healthy thing regardless of what the other person is doing.

What strategies do you use when dealing with others?

An Attitude of Gratitude

Learning to be thankful can be quite a challenge sometimes.  Particularly when things seem to be going wrong.  Sometimes we find it difficult to focus on the good things in life and choose the negatives (choose is the important word there).  How much different would our day be, even our lives, if we just learned to be gracious of everyday things in life?  I tell my patients that if the best thing you can say about your day is you are still breathing, you have a good starting place.  Think about how many people are no longer breathing on this day.

I suggest to people to start and end your day listing at least 5 good/positive things about the day.  When you do that, you start to look for good things during the day.  I challenge you to try it, starting today.

My 5 things for today are:

1. I woke up this morning.
2. I played with my children as they invented a new game.
3. I visited with friends.
4. My husband got home early.
5. I made my favorite meal for dinner.

They don't have to bee difficult things.  Just look around you and consider things you may not have previously noticed.  It may be a bit challenging at first to think about good things (we are so accustomed to negatives), but stick with it and it gets easier.

What are you grateful for today?

Practicing Self Care

As we go through our day, we may see, hear, and/or do things that take a toll on us both physically and mentally.  Most of us need to be at our best each day in order to do our work, take care of those around us, and whatever else comes our way.  In order to be our best, we have to recharge our batteries; that is taking care of ourselves.


So just how exactly do we take care of ourselves?  Start by asking yourself some questions.

1. Do you enjoy going to work?
2. Do you feel you can handle your work load?
3. Do you have some free time during your day?
4. How are your personal relationships?
5. How tired are you when you come home?
6. Do you enjoy being around your friends/family?

How did you answer these?  Positively?  Negatively?  Was it difficult to answer them?  If the answers you gave aren't desirable, chances are you are not taking care of your own needs as well as you should.  If you take care of others in your life (children, spouse, patients, parents, etc) you already know how to use care skills.  You just need to use them on yourself!

We need to first of all recognize that we need to care for ourselves.  Then use some of those skills we already know: eat well, exercise, get plenty of rest.  But let's consider possibilities outside of those "traditional" suggestions.  A few weeks ago, I found myself overworked, overwhelmed, and just plain tired.  I finally realized I wasn't the only one suffering from it...my family was taking it too.  So, I made myself get up off the couch, got my children up, and we went to a nearby park to play in the water.  And I played too.  I can't tell you how much fun that was - no email, no phone, just the laughter of my children and knowing that it was time well spent.  

We need to take time to enjoy our days.  Go to lunch with co-workers (that means do not sit in front of your desk, eating while you work); take a mini vacation.  A favorite therapy technique as well as my own personal coping skill is humor.  I incorporate humor into my office, my computer, my phone, anywhere I can.  I have comics posted on my wall, quirky sayings tacked up, anything to remind me that life is too short not to laugh. 

How about you?  What are some of your favored techniques/skills for taking care of yourself?