Difficult People

Lately I have been exposed to dealing with some difficult people...you know, people who just seem to make your life harder than it has to be.  How about you?  Do you have times when you are faced with hard-to-get-along with people?  How do we deal with those people?

Well, I guess this question is best answered by considering exactly who these people are.  Dealing with your teenager vs. your boss, for example, would be handled differently.  Even so, there are some common "rules" to managing difficult people.

First of all, keep your cool.  It does us no good if we are emotional, screaming, or anything like that.  You lose credibility if you "lose it."  Even if it means we have to walk away from the situation for a moment (or maybe several moments), then do so.  It is much better to get collected and have a clear head to deal with the problem than it is to risk emotional reacting.

It is also a good idea to have a healthy strategy to handle the situation.  If your teenager won't do his chores, yelling at him is not likely to get the chores done.  A better strategy may be to take things away; or maybe talk about your expectations.  There are many options to develop a good strategy, so be creative, but overall make sure the strategy is one that applies to the situation.

Sometimes it helps to have a list of the points you want to make.  If you are trying to talk to the person about the issue (which, I do encourage at some point!), you need to know what is bothering you, what you want to say about it, as well as a few solutions.  This limits those emotional displays that tend to go nowhere.

Along with this point, talk to the person!  Nothing is going to get resolved if we stuff our feelings and thoughts.  Whether it is hurt feelings, anger, or distaste toward the person and/or situation, using "I statements" and sharing these concerns is a good strategy in order to move past the problem.

Remember, that when dealing with a difficult person, they have their opinions and attitudes as well, so they may not share an interest in using these same ideas.  However, even if they don't, we are still responsible for our own actions and thoughts, so do the healthy thing regardless of what the other person is doing.

What strategies do you use when dealing with others?